HEMERSON101's PlanetFace Diary

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HEMERSON101's diary

Birmingham
37yrs old

Diary views
Yesterday:	59
Past week:	758
Past month:	1597
All time:	9915

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Single until the year 2050

4 hours ago

Being single is a little bit worrying especially when on your home page you notice your membership expiry date is 31st December 2050

Now I'm not being funny about this sitey but have you got a bet on with my coven that I'll be single for this long ?

Basically your saying I'll be dead before I'll be attached - lol

Charming - lol - but he could be right - Hemerson xxx

Comments: 13 Add Comment - Quote - RSS -

- Edited: 09/01/09 18:09

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HEMERSON101	Very loving indeed Miss C but too serious when in a relationship and a bit of a jealous fool who can't keep his feelings in check. I'm a better friend than partner believe me :) xxx
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 09/01/09 21:41

CARA111	Yes Hem, but you have to listen. You will change. Your sense of humour is a protective shield, but in the next 12 months you will change, and no longer need the shield. I am saying it how it will be. Deep down you are very serious and loving :-) xxxx
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 09/01/09 21:38

HEMERSON101	Forgot to thank Miss T for booking the operation for me and obviously Miss NJ for wanting to get with me when we are both incapable of wiping our own bums and Miss D you've let the cat out of the bag and spoiled (not soiled) me diary :) x
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 09/01/09 21:24

HEMERSON101	I know Miss C and am honored to have such feedback from such a well respected lady on this website - but your never get me to be serious you know that don't you :) x
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 09/01/09 21:22

CARA111	No sweetheart I am just saying it how it will be :-) xxx
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 09/01/09 21:21

HEMERSON101	I love you lot - lol Alpha the bet is definitely on as I reckon technology will be so advanced by then we will be living forever - although just our heads frozen in a gold fish bowl. Cara are you hitting on me - lol - that comment will probably get me in trouble with Tungsten again - lol
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 09/01/09 21:17

FUNSEXYCDN	Don't worry, I'm on until 2050 as well...seems the site doesn't want to lose us ;)
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 09/01/09 20:35

TRIXIE13	ooh Hem- if you single till then - i will eat the hat i seen for your wedding!! dont forget i got babysitting duties i wish to perform!!! dont worry when we go to our french vacation i will pick up a designer bride for you with my schoolgirl french!!! keep smiling and we all will smile with you- xx ps the operation to impove the twiglet for future needs is booked for next week!
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 09/01/09 20:00

CARA111	I think Hem will change his approach in the next 12 months, he will be more relaxed about dating and will grow into a mature, mysterious man. he will discover his inner magnetism and find the girl of his dreams xxx
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 09/01/09 19:40

A1ALPHA	No but I'll have a bet with you Hem. I bet you a bottle of Champagne you'll be single in 2050. (A) I'd be pleased to lose the bet (B) I'd be even more pleased to be around and coherent enough to collect. Are you on?
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 09/01/09 19:27

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Laughing in the shower !

1 day ago

Kept laughing in the shower this week - and no ladies not because of the twiglet come button mushroom - lol

It was soooooo cold this week that I would squeeze out shower gel onto my hand only to see it fly over my head when trying to apply it to my body.

It was sooooo cold the gel had solidified and had a mind of it's own or maybe it was just female gel - oh controversial Hemerson - lol

Warmer now though - eh my beauties :) xxx

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APPLE2

Head Warlock... fellow Witches. Head Witch has cast a spell and all shower solidification will now be resolved. It may not be to everyone's satisfaction (although Pinocchio is very happy with the outcome) but the witches will stand firm as we never slide on the soap. Dark Lord... beware the powers of the coven as a twiglet button mushroom is only a spell away. Dark Lady... sending spell now and cackling.

Quote | Report this | Posted: 09/01/09 00:23

DENISE66	HeHe - You 2 are so funny lol xx
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 09/01/09 00:07

HEMERSON101	You could do a Pinocchio and then sit on my face and shout 'Lie you bastard lie' - lol
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 09/01/09 00:05

LOULOU14	If we do a Pinocchio but aim a bit south east i'm sure we could do some thing for you Hem. xx
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 09/01/09 00:02

DENISE66	The Coven Witches will brew something up for you Hem, but of course will only remain that way for the coven witches....will not work for anyone else lol xx
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 08/01/09 23:59

HEMERSON101	I would need a spell for that too happen - lol
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 08/01/09 23:57

DENISE66	Is it big enough to take all the Coven hands lol xx
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 08/01/09 23:56

LOULOU14	As if !! And like you wouldn't be playing hunt the soap lol xxx :-))
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 08/01/09 23:55

HEMERSON101	Yeh like there won't be any coven hands trying to touch it - lol
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 08/01/09 23:39

LOULOU14	Well you have something to breathe through if it gets too steamy.....just point it to the floor ! xx
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 08/01/09 23:30

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Just for Lou Lou

3 days ago

Right after our mammoth 88 comment diary extravaganza the night before last where Lou Lou's petrol powered egg whisk vibrator was mentioned I thought I would do a little bit of research and this is what I have just found

This bizarrely-shaped vibrator - which looks like something across between a metal hair-dryer and some kind of whisk - was designed to cure women of 'hysteria' in the 1930s.

Before its invention, doctors would give patients an intimate massage, presumably to relieve them from 'stress'.

The device is part of a display at London's Science Museum which explores Victorian attitudes to sex.

Hemerson - Doctor of Victorian sex - lol xxx

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- Edited: 06/01/09 22:40

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LOULOU14	Got Twister out ready Fi.....Who said naked twister ?? xxxx
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 07/01/09 11:42

TRIXIE13	Why do i always have to go to work when these interesting yet bizarre conversations take place!! watch out girls when we play twister- that thing looks eye wateringly painful- it definately was invented by a man!! xx
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 07/01/09 07:43

NICKYJO66	I think I would need to get it converted to battery powered though.....should always be accompanied by a simple nipple tweaker.....you know that Hem....Keeping the celery on ice for you bud, just in case!! NJ xxxx
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 07/01/09 00:22

LOULOU14	Ladies please....let me put your minds at rest. It is not as bad as it looks. Once fired up (oops, maybe shouldn't say that) and running on full power it is an implement of joy.....it can whisk up a storm !! Be not afraid of the egg whisk.....it is an essential part of a witches kitchenware !!! Lou xxxx
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 07/01/09 00:19

DENISE66	HeHe....XX
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 07/01/09 00:07

HEMERSON101	If you shove it up there your only push the celery up higher and then the surgeon will never be able to pull it out :) xxx
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 07/01/09 00:00

DENISE66	Well how can I put this...you bring that contraption anywhere near me.....will shove it where the sun dont shine and then we will see who is the wimp - LOL xx
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 06/01/09 23:45

HEMERSON101	Don't be such a wimp Miss D - if it was alright for the Victorian ladies then it's alright for the Newport Pagnell girls as well - lol
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 06/01/09 23:38

DENISE66	Now picture has materialised - Think I would prefer the option before the invention of said device lol xx
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 06/01/09 23:37

HEMERSON101	Just read your comment KT - you naughty young thing you - although if you need Dr Hemerson then simply buzz on the egg whisk - lol
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 06/01/09 23:36

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Swearing in French !

4 days ago

On the way home in the car tonight learning French off my newly downloaded 'Learn French' podcasts when I got snagged in a big traffic jam.

Yes you have guessed it - England has two inches of snow and the whole traffic network grinds to a halt !

As I sat there for over half an hour I noticed that I started swearing in perfect French.

Words such as"Oh, merde!", "Va te faire foutre, trouduc", C'est des conneries, and my favorite Enculer une mouche which means go f--k a fly just came spurting out

So thank you coffee break french and I can't wait to go and try these out on the general French public - will be so easy now to order coffee and croissants - lol

Keep warm my beauties - Hemerson xxx

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A1ALPHA	Je Taime? The Frankie Howerd version was epic. Le merde niege au autoroute eh Monsieur 'Emmerson et les fou conduires Anglais? C'est stupide nes pas.
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 06/01/09 05:50

INCHHIGH	ooohhh not heard that one LOL :)
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 05/01/09 23:09

HEMERSON101	There was a dance/rave song called 'French Kiss' where the beat and music cuts out in the break to reveal the sound of a woman cuming - very naughty :)
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 05/01/09 23:07

INCHHIGH	The only French song that I can remember is Je t'aime !!!! and boy does does that bring memories...............................:))))
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 05/01/09 23:04

HEMERSON101	Mr T - you are far toooooooo sophisticated for me - why do I bother :)
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 05/01/09 22:58

TUNGSTEN	Voulez vous coucher avec moi, ce soir, Madame Salsa? Ahem... I think that's the French you were looking for!
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 05/01/09 22:50

HEMERSON101	Am working hard on the French in regards to the UKdating Summer party to be held at my new French gaff :)
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 05/01/09 22:04

CHOCOLATE1	a really good one is ...... va tu fais enculee espace de cont. I'd translate it for you but i get banned from site lol
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 05/01/09 21:53

SEZZAV	That is hilarious! Thank you, now i can tell people to go fluff a fly in french!!!
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 05/01/09 21:51

FUNSEXYCDN	I believe it's "voulez-vous coucher avec moi (ce soir)?" :)
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 05/01/09 21:31

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Love Hurts !

5 days ago

I've never understood that old adage and saying 'Love Hurts'?

You come across friends who say 'I'm so in love that it hurts' - well I have been in love and can remember the longing in the stomach feeling but it never really hurt.

Wait hold on though - I do remember one of my ex girlfriends finding out I had been cheating on her and then proceeding to kick me in the balls

I can remember that really hurt, so maybe that's what people mean - lol

Keep smiling me lovelies :) xxx

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APPLE2	Well Sweetie... now you are in the mix he's got the three wicked witches to contend with... so no chance at all. No guys to bail him out... he is all alone with nothing but a stick of celery to defend himself with. Bye Hem... nice to chat... good luck on your journey to celeryville... don't forget to pack the egg whisk and some mayonnaise... See you in Hell... you sooner ... us later xxx
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 05/01/09 00:08

SWEETIE211	Poor Hem having the terrible 2some picking on him!! He stands NO chance haha(keep it up girls) Glad you are having fun XX
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 04/01/09 23:59

APPLE2

Sweetie.. no way Hem could handle you especially with a limp stick of celery and a twiglet to try and bolster it up. Lou says - "As we are only into the 4th day of the year it could well be the highlight but at least you have the rest of the year to recover from the disappointment and I am sure there are firmer sticks of celery waiting to be discovered... takes a bit of digging though" Apple & LouLou xxx.

Quote | Report this | Posted: 04/01/09 23:54

SWEETIE211	UUUMMM Apple is this going to be the highlight of my year!!!Somehow do not think Hem could handle me!!!! hehehe xx
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 04/01/09 23:47

APPLE2

Lovely to see you back on line again Salsa and so happy you had a good laugh. As Head Witch I have cast a spell and randomly selected the person I am going to sacrifice. It is Sweetie. Seems like karma... you have chosen Sacrifice by Elton Does My Head In John... so girl ... get ready. Hem is waiting for you at the sacrificial altar with the egg whisk and celery. The coven will support you and send you off with a special Darren Hayes spell as we know you are insatiable. xxx

Quote | Report this | Posted: 04/01/09 23:43

APPLE2	Lou and I wishing you a good night... We were hoping to get your diary comments up to 100 tonight but as we have done so much "entering"... we probably need to leave your bum, willy and balls alone to recover from the intensive probing of the coven. Sweet dreams are obviously on the menu for you... hope not accompanied by a celery side dish. Love you lots Apple and LouLou xxx
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 04/01/09 23:28

SWEETIE211	UUUUUMMMMMM Hem love the BUM!!!!!!! XX
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 04/01/09 23:27

HEMERSON101

Right we have talked about my bum tonight, my willy and the original diary entry was based around my balls - lol - I feel well and truly entered by you all - lol
Seriously can I say how much you all mean too me and how easy it is with you all to have a jolly good laugh and lets be honest this diary section does need that at times
Sleep well and I'll see you gorgeous people very soon - in the flesh for another party night :) xxx

Quote | Report this | Posted: 04/01/09 23:25

APPLE2	Mr H... zoom lens can't manage it then?
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 04/01/09 23:21

HEMERSON101	Not sure the camera can get it all in Miss S - it's as big as a thimble you know - lol
	Quote \| Report this \| Posted: 04/01/09 23:19

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