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It seems to me that an important question is why did your son cry at the sight of his father? If it was a learnt reaction from you then maybe repairing the damage is appropriate.If however there was violence, drugs or alcoholism then bio father must not ever be trusted!!!!!!!

It sounds like he has asked his sister to visit your son for him so ask the question if the answer is what I would expect just say that he should come and see him for himself

You just have to do what you believe is right for both you and your son. His feelings are the most important. If you feel comfortable with his Aunt's contact then fine - I hope they will both get something good from it. If you are wary (for whatever reason) then suggest leaving it for a while until he is more able to handle it. If she is genuine she will understand. Agree with Cara - meeting up casually in the local park might be the best option. I've been through this myself and my daughter never sees my ex's family, despite my best endeavours - but I put that down to their selfishness and feel sorry that they don't know what they're missing. My ex still keeps in contact though and she flies over to see him during holidays. Hope your ex may have a change of heart and make the effort. Take care. Apple x

The little one will pick up on your feelings. So if you are stressed about it he will be too. Maybe you need to wait a bit longer before making a decision. I am sure if you explain to his sister she will understand. You can always make arrangements to meet up casually in the local park of somewhere neutral.

Thanks John,your comments have helped.NIce to get an outsiders point of view.Your right,have moved on in many ways,and rebuilt my life,but pain of my life then still haunts me.But dont want to my judgement to be clouded for what is best for my son.Thanks,that woman was very wrong when she said all Johns were bastards,x

I know I do not know all your circumstances but I can only relate to my situation albeit a long time ago.
I let all my ex's family see my sons as and when they wanted to within reason - they are still relatives and I know my ex family loved my sons very much.

Hello,
This is a tough one I was a product of a single parent family and did not meet my Father until I was 22 so I have some empathy for the situation. It did help that my mother never made hid the fact I had a father who was not around but also never allocated any blame against him as well... The man was a nutral non entity no thanks given to him from the way I turned out, but no venom either. ask yourself these two questions
1)What harm would it be for your sons aunt to visit with your child what negative emotional or physical harm would he come to because he meets another side of his family.

2) How have your emotional wounds healed in the last 4 years...did you deal with the pain and the ordeals that comes from bad situations or did you bottle them up ..move on and through your life into bringing up the little one?

Sorry I do not mean to be presumptious...its just it seems you still have deamons to address and until that is done then you will not be able to break out of this prison you have rightly stated you have built up...

you see when it comes to this sort of stuff your spot on you will feel like your in prison you are..when your ready to come out you will answer the door and advise her that you either dont himt o have anything to do with the fathers family apologies and move on or ask her how many sugers she takes. I hope what I have written makes sense. It was rushed I am supposed to be sorting a companies Nominal ledger.your diary just got to me so I thought if I could pass on any help I would ..take care (sorry for any typo's and spelling errors)

I have no idea what you are talking about.....? Please help! :0)

greaat - one of my favs too. Looking for a Will Mellor in his 50's